Ok- it's way past my bed time, but I can't sleep. Lots on my mind and none of it really matters- no crisis, no immediate dangers- just a 10 year high school reunion in 4 weeks, the question of what I will be doing or living in a year, the house that on the market the real possibility I could be pregnant. In any case, I decided to go online and do random googles. Check out my high school reunion site - I added my info finally after sweating it since I first saw it about 2 weeks ago. It sounds like HS sucks for a lot of people, so I'm no different, I guess. It still sucks to think about how I was "moo-ed" at in the halls. Let's just say it's hasn't helped my self- esteem.

Anyways- enough whining! I googled 'how to blog'- (yeah I'm a dork)- but found this site- pretty cool for those of us without a general clue- me being one of them. One thing I found as I've read other blogs is I am not a picture person. What makes a person a "picture person"??? Is this a memo I missed back in jr high??? Is this what all the cool girls talked about in the halls?? I very rarely have a camera handy- and I hate what I look like in most pictures! Is there any hope for me?? Ok, now I'm whining again. Sometimes I think I need a therapist again. Yep- you heard me- I had a therapist for about once a month for 3.5 months- yeah, real long time. Ironic since one of the things I wanted to focus on was my inability to finish things...

I don't know what I need- personal trainer, nutritionist, life- coach- all of these people could probably do me some good-- I just need help in pushing myself. It's interesting when I was thinking about it, it seems I perform best when people tell me I can't do it. It's like when I'm at the gym and someone tells me "oh, don't worry- you CAN DO IT!" I give up so much easier than when I'm told, "you couldn't do this- it's past your abilities" etc. It's like I care about proving them wrong MORE than obtaining something for myself. (Who needs a therapist when you have a blog! :) )

Anyways-- its getting late kids-- I've getting up tomorrow for the gym (although I probably won't b/c I suck!!!!) (That was me giving myself my version of a pep talk :) )

Weekend in Omaha

This weekend was fantastic- a great relief! Friday, Chris and I had sushi at our favorite restaurant, Hiro with our favorite sushi friends- Fred and Shantae, then we joined my friend Anna for her roof- top B-Day party atop the Ford Building Condos and laughed it up until 2am with a few folks from the press world. It was comforting to know that although I am an "old married woman", I can still hang :) Saturday was a back yard cook out in our neighboring city of Council Bluffs, IA and Sunday was full of worship, errands and cleaning like mad for our first open house- capped off by a great game via the College World Series!

The open house was OK enough- only 2 couples came through- just have to keep the hope alive- right? Good news: my house is immaculate- at least for now...

Nothing more to report today- Please pray for my friend Terry at work-- he's in such pain lately with a pinched sciatic nerve and for every day it gets better, the next week it's that much worse. Also, pray for Chris, my husband- I think the stress of the exams are luming over him and I'm sure I'm not helping as I pull him away from studying to join me in all these social outings... I just ask for the wisdom to leave him alone when he needs to focus!

Missing my Rock

Quick blog today, I promise- today was pretty much an uninteresting Monday, but I can feel that I've missed the past two Sundays at church. Just the way their messages fill you- focus you- I can tell that I am without. I'm looking forward to this restful and rejuvenating weekend!

Also, funny thing happened to me on the way home from work- I failed a pregnancy test. Long story short, deterrents are in place, but things break people! A stop at Target, paranoid search in the "weird stuff" aisles, imagined funny looks from people, a duck into the restroom and tah- dah- I'm the same as I was a day ago! I'm relieved, honestly- it would be a huge detour in my life right now. I'm just not ready, but it will happen one day (I promised my mother-in-law).

Blogging on the Run- actually created 6/17

The following was written yesterday as I finally got the chance to upload it. My deepest apologies about the wait...
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So this is interesting- blogging while on the road while coming up from Kansas City-- Of course there is the fear of running out of free wi-fi service while among the rolling fields of Missouri and Iowa, so I’m creating this in Word, then I’ll transfer it over to blogger as soon as I get home. Road trips are typically fun, unless of course you are crammed in a car with your brother in law, his wife, their week’s worth of luggage from their honeymoon and our luggage for the weekend. Our trip was pretty strategic planned actually- we picked up Kevin and Lana from the airport at KCI went to the hotel in Lawrence (about half an hour outside Kansas City) Friday night. We pulled in just as they landed- despite Chris’ fear they would be waiting for us. Although we didn’t make it to the rehearsal dinner for the wedding we felt victorious in hitting all the other “gongs”. The time with our new in-law was pretty fun though- our conversations going from serious mom- related issues to “so, what are you going to do...set my ASS on fire?” (a great line from Super Troopers- if you haven’t seen it, you have to- it’s hilarious!!) This was bonding time- probably the only time I’ve spoken more than 10 words to Lana. She’s very quiet and keeps to herself, but I think I may have finally cracked the shell. Who knows…

We stayed at the Holiday Inn Convention Center in Lawrence- which is really interesting since I work at the same type of place in Omaha. This place was ok- but reminded me of my workplace sans the massive renovations. The wedding was fun- Chris and Kevin both were groomsmen and the wedding was a typical Catholic ceremony- long and boring. I did discover the ultimate in bad wedding stories, though—I met Kim, a wife of another groomsman, who works for Abbott Pharm (who, by the way, I may be working with on a meeting in Omaha—ha! Take that white board!) Those that came to the rehearsal dinner, all her friends, family, etc. got sick with food poisoning. No matter how bad I feel about a late photographer, a broken unity candle, even switching reception facilities at the last minute- I can’t imagine all my closest friends and family going through that.

On our way back we stopped at fireworks in Iowa. We won’t talk about how illegal these are in our state, or how crammed we are with an additional 5 bags of bulky boxes in our laps- but we HAD to get them! It’s a bit of a tradition every year to have a big 4th of July party at our house- Chris grills and we have as many friends and family that can make it. Since we technically live outside the city limits we’ve never had any problems with the fireworks.

Since my trip is about about at its end- I’m finishing this up—I’ve had good luck typing while in a moving vehicle and that luck too is coming to an end.

Hang On

My house has been on the market for officially 8 days and NO activity. Not one phone call, not one visit, not even one realitor stopped in during the real estate caravan- nothing. It's like it doesn't even exist- and yet I'm developing OCD when it comes to cleaning and staging. We take my dogs to my parents daily, just in case someone wants to stop in and I can't leave work to get them. I make the bed, vaccum, pick up everything, do the dishes, wipe down counter tops, clear the bathroom counters and dust almost every day. It's such a hassle to have the house visitor- ready EVERY DAY- and for what?! Chris helps when he can, but his studies are calling. After this weekend I fear he will not have any time for the extra things, let alone cleaning. I believe this will be a long haul, people. I just have to tell myself to hang on.

I found out today that my friend from work had her apartment broken in last night. The theif stole her laptop, digital camera, phone charger (who knew this would be of value- I mean, come on, unless you have the same Sprint Model A4000B-12 how could you use it- oh well, I guess when you're in a mad frantic search for things to steal, one grabs anything you can plug in...) They also stole her DVD player and printer (which she had so richly deserved as it was a gift from our client who didn't need it anymore- not expensive, but a memory).
When I heard about the ordeal, I was so hurt for her- thank God I've never had my house broken in to- but I have my car broken into back in highschool. I felt so violated! I can't imagine what it would have someone ransack your home! Of course, I was one of those people who tried to comfort her by reminding her it was just "stuff" and that she was lucky she was not hurt or anything, but I know my words fell of deaf ears, and I don't blame her. She's single, new to the area, new apartment in what is supposed to be a "up and coming" part of our city- and this is what happens. Worse of all, she's a statistic. Theft happens in every city, in every state. All I know is that my friend is fearful right now- and- all I can tell her is to hang on.

Happy Wedding

To Lana and Kevin- my most heartfelt wishes for a long and lasting love! Congrats on the wedding and we were honored to have participated!

This weekend was all wedding. Kevin, my brother in law finally wed his fiance, Lana after FOUR years of an engagement. She wanted to graduate before heading to the alter, which I can understand. The wedding really did go off without a hitch- unlike mine, which Chris and I talked about at length in the many car rides to Yutan, NE. We had the photographer that showed up 20 minutes late to the reception, putting us behind for pictures on the golf course and the party itself. There was the center pieces, which I thought would be unique and interesting as they were to be hung from the ceiling, that ultimately became an 8 hour project for the boys and a thorn in Chris' side as we walked in and saw them uneven due to the florist's unsteady hand and lack of the actual flowers I'd requested. There was the ruined first dance, that we had spent thousands on dance lessons for and choreographed for the audience, by Chris' misstep that broke the bustle on the dress which required me to hold my dress up for the remainder of "Come What May" (how fitting). Of course, how can we forget Chris shaking so hard that he broke his half of the unity candle, or the bridesmaid that spent 8 out of the 9 engagement months in Virginia, the mother-of-the- bride's dress that was ruined via an over anxious carpet layer, or even the last minute reception location change after I left my place of employment with the understanding I could still host the party there, only to get a letter two weeks later that it would be more than five GRAND more since they were going to void my employee discount (enter in the lawyers and well- placed wedding postponement (someone else, not ours) and we had ourselves (THANK GOD) a new reception location)!
Whew! I'd heard that the more problems with the wedding, the more blessings the couple will have in the marriage- or did I just make that up to muster up a smile?
In any case, the wedding is over and Kevin and Lana can now breathe a sign of relief that they can say the same about their own. I'm sure things went wrong that no one, even us, ever saw. Really, that is the point, to make sure everything looks effortless- although no one believes it is.
Next weekend is another fun filled weekend of wedding bliss. This time outside Kansas City, KS, where Chris' cousin Jeremy will marry his love, Jennifer. Chris, again, is a groomsman while my job is not really defined for this one. I'm sure something of menial importance will be delegated to me upon arrival.
Ultimately, weddings are good for everyone. It's great to see all the happiness in these families, I will say.
My God bless each of them on each of their days together, as He has bless mine.

Undercover Super Christian

Yesterday I became "trained" to help people if they choose to take Jesus as their Lord and Savior in their life. Seems like something you'd need another degree for, but no, just about an hour long session and you're all set! Louis Palau is coming to Omaha this summer and Chris and I volunteered to be counselors to those who answer the call to Christianity. I wasn't nervous going in (I'm a WOO, remember? {Winning Other's Over}-- it's supposed to be my #1 strength) but as I was thinking about it more and more, I got more insecure about my talents as a persuasive speaker. I have to remember that God is taking my words and do wonders with them in the hearts and minds of those I'm speaking to.
One of the pastors talked about bringing friends and family to the festival and that we don't have to wear our free visors around them (did someone say FREE visors??? Back off people, you have to be TRAINED!) - that we could take them off and go off being a "super christian" while undercover so that not to make our friends or family uncomfortable. Makes sense- I have a friend that may go to the festival that I think needs an intervention from Jesus himself- but it would be wonderful to be a part of leading someone to God.
Today, we all learned how 'People Notice' our behaviors and actions around the hotel and customer service means going the extra mile, etc. Frankly, after sitting for four hours going over this stuff, I wanted to put a bullet in my brain, but then again, it made the day go by pretty fast and can I tell you I LOVE texting-- nothing like complaining about the situation with the person across the room...
You know I noticed today that I hang out some of the most professed "intuitive" people that I've known, so it's interesting to hear what comes out of their mouth about me- especially re: the work place, but I'm finding that it's drives me crazy-- I get so wrapped up- almost paranoid- about how people take me, that I'm stuck between how I feel I should react to something and how I feel I should react to something. Either way, at the end of the day, I feel defeated. Why on earth do I care? Then again, I've always cared. How I've lived this long and done so well with caring this much about how people think of me is a mystery to me. I'm a professional, damn it and I do have self- esteem!!!!!! (ie. I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and gosh darn it, people like me!) And if you don't, well then you suck! :)

Signs of Change

So the sign went up yesterday- it signals a change in the air.



Side note: Is it me, or does spring always bring about such massive change personally and professionally for everyone? The hotel I've worked at for almost three years is going under a massive facelift (needed, but did I mention a chunk of Disney fall off in the back parking lot and named itself CoCo Key Water Resort?? Hello! Biggeest water resort in Nebraska- and I work there!) My market at work is changing- for the better mind you, but a lot of pride is in the files I'm handing over- and I'm finding it tough to call those clients.



The sign I'm referring to is our real estate sign- the pictures look really good, I'm pretty impressed, but it still means that I'm moving from the house I've lived in for three years. I know, it's not an eternity, but still-- I raised my two boys in that house... ok, they're dogs...but still...



I think I'd feel much better, probably excited, if I knew what I was going to do in the next chapter of my life. But, as I think about it, it's probably for the better. I need to focus on what I'm doing now-- not day dream about what the future could hold...



You know, I'm glad I'm blogging now- I think it could be therapeutic at this time. I named my blog footprints because as I was thinking about a name, I looked over and saw a bookmark someone had given me of the poem Footprints in the Sand. I think as I focus on all the changes happening around me, I know I need to realize God is there, every step of the way.

Footprints in the Sand
by Mary Stevenson

One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, henoticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his lifethere was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and hequestioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, You said that once I decided to follow you, You'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The Lord replied,"My son, My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I Carried You."